She Named Her ADHD

The ADHD is ADHDing right now. There’s been lots of meetings. Lots of scheduling and overseeing departments in my region. Lots of planning for the death of my singlehood. I’m getting married in November! Lots of exciting stuff. And Artie is freaking out! That’s not my fiancé. My fiancé’s name is Jeff, and he is over the moon to be marrying me, as he should be. Artie is the name I’ve given for my ADHD. The reason for this is primarily to remind myself that I am a person who has ADHD and not just comprised of ADHD itself. It has nothing to do with the fact that my character for Artie is British and therefore I get to speak in a British accent at a moment’s notice.  

So, there are different types of ADHD from my understanding. I have Type 0, which is inattentive. Type 1 is hyperactive, and Type 2 is a combination of the two. Even though it’s labeled as “inattentive”, I’m not sure that’s necessarily the most accurate word for it. It’s not that I can’t pay attention. It’s more like I pay too much attention to things. And my brain just consumes so much at once! It’s like having the latest Mac and they forgot to put the RAM in it. The Mac can process very quickly but can only retain the information for so long, because there’s always more information coming in but nowhere to save it. So basically, my brain moves too quickly, and it learns quickly but also forgets quickly.  

I cannot control this aspect of myself or the other symptoms of ADHD that I possess. I’ve asked myself so many questions regarding this. I’ve asked myself why I am the way I am, and other questions regarding my consistent frustrations or patterns of behavior. Like why I have changed my major 5 times. Why can’t I finish something, even if I’m passionate about it? Why did I struggle so much in school with my grades, even when I was trying hard? For a long time, I felt ashamed of myself and frustrated because I didn’t understand my own brain. Which seems counterintuitive. Aren’t we supposed to know our brains and our minds better than anyone else?  

I’ve learned to give myself some grace with this, though. I luckily now have a very good support system with people who also have taken the time to understand me. Like my fiancé. He knows that I struggle with what’s called object permanence, where if I don’t see something, I will literally forget it’s there. One example of this is that he will move the healthier food in the front of the fridge so that it is more in view and in my presence and move the less healthy stuff towards the back so I will not be thinking about it (side note: consideration for your partner is the highest form of love).  

When I was younger, however, it was hard to get the support I needed. There were people who couldn’t understand why I couldn’t stick to anything. I wasn’t the kid bouncing off the walls. But I did struggle with emotional regulation in my teens, particularly with rejection sensitivity. Rejection was so hard for me, and any type of it would put me on a downward spiral of self-loathing and questioning my self-worth. One of the most important things I’ve learned on my path of healing and self-discovery is that rejection isn’t always bad. Most of the time, it’s actually a blessing in disguise. Something that I say to myself as a reminder for when I’m feeling the sting of rejection is this: rejection is protection. If it’s not meant to be then it’s not meant to be….and that’s okay. The great thing about being rejected is that we get to decide whether we will internalize that or not. We owe it to ourselves to be fair and gracious with ourselves, and constantly beating ourselves up over our rejections, failures, mistakes, or struggles is not fair or just. Nor is it productive. I’ve learned that our worth is not defined by what struggles we have or the labels that others put onto us. Our self-worth derives from our inner strength, staying true to ourselves and the innate values that we hold, and the way we carry ourselves through adversity. 

That said, it can be hard to get to that place of self-love and security. When you feel like you can never do anything right and are always disappointing everybody, it’s tough not to feel a deep shame inside. A person with ADHD is often viewed as silly and hyperactive, and there are many jokes associated with it, but what often gets overlooked is the frustration aspect. We do not want to be, for lack of a better word, “f***ups.” We do not want to forget your birthday or forget to call you when we said we would. For the readers out there, just know: if you have a person who has ADHD in your life, please extend some patience and grace in the remembering things and dates department, as that is not our strong suit. Our time to shine is in other areas.  

Getting diagnosed didn’t solve everything. It did, however, give me some relief and validation as to what I had been going through internally all these years. And once you know what you’re dealing with, it’s a lot easier to work through it. The world started opening up for me, and everything started making so much more sense once I got diagnosed and started learning more about my ADHD. “So, this is why I’m struggling.” “So, this is why rejection is so triggering for me.” Everything started to fall into place, and it helped me not just in my personal life but in my professional life as well. I was able to better empathize with my students, better able to communicate with them and teach them. I remembered how I personally had such a challenging time in school with the traditional learning environment and learned that many people with ADHD are kinesthetic learners and learn through movement. Learning about ADHD opened a world where I discovered that there is no right way or wrong way to learn, so long as you learn. And that thinking differently and being neurodivergent is an asset, not a liability or defect.  

So, for those who may think they have ADHD, or any other condition or disorder, and you’re worried about taking that first step: I hope that me sharing my story and experience was one of hope and encouragement. There’s nothing more freeing than learning about yourself, and sometimes learning about yourself means admitting that you are struggling with functioning in some way. And that’s okay! Because it’s only a part of us.  It’s the part of us that makes us human and relatable. Once we learn how to understand ourselves, we are better able to be kinder to ourselves and kinder to others. Learning that I was neurodivergent didn’t just help me; it helped those around me, too. Whether they were trying to understand and better communicate with me or whether it was me trying to help other people who were also neurodivergent like our students, I was able to help others. This reciprocity helped me build real connections and build stronger self-esteem in myself. You will find that when you start helping others while doing the work on yourself, you end up feeling all around better about your life and circumstances.  

But as said before: getting help will not solve everything. Medication and even treatment are not the end all be all to managing ADHD symptoms. We as individuals still need to put the work in for ourselves through self-help and education. We must learn to listen to our bodies and learn what self-regulation looks like. We must learn how to manage our energy and time. For instance, I forget where I heard this (oh working memory, so how you fail me sometimes), but there was a content creator who spoke about working through “snail days,” “squirrel days,” and “bee days.” There will be days where your energy and focus are completely depleted, where even getting ready for the day may seem taxing. Those are your “snail days.” These are the days where you extend some grace and just do the bare minimum. Then we have days where we do have energy and some focused direction, but it is still limited and a bit sporadic. These are the “squirrel days,” where you focus on your top priorities. And then you will have the days where you are the most alert, focused, and productive, the “bee days.” This is the time where you do not mess around. You do the most and then some on those days. As energy, focus, and emotional bandwidth can vary, it’s incredibly important for ADHDers to listen to their bodies and intuition.  

Lastly, I want to remind those out there that there is no one size fits all when it comes to self-soothing, coping mechanisms, and functioning techniques. Despite what it may feel like sometimes, you know yourself, and there is nothing wrong with how you operate. If some of the productivity tips and tricks we’ve been taught have not worked for you, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. You’re not lazy, stupid, “just not trying hard enough”, or whatever you or anyone else has told you. It just might mean that you are neurodivergent living in a neurotypical world, and you just aren’t typical. And if that’s the case…welcome to my world <3